“I’m angry with you!” But seriously.
I'm Giving the Gift of Anger on International Women's Day.
“I’m angry with you!”
The word anger holds so much meaning. So much weight. So much judgment.
Women are taught and told to be just about everything… except be angry.
On International Women’s Day, I’m giving the gift of healthy anger. Seriously. The gift of validation. The gift of being with and connecting with yourself in your experience. I believe that validation, or the act of helping someone feel heard and understood, is the single most important thing I can do for the humans in my life. I have learned to be in the powerful space of my own anger and you can learn to be in yours.
For most of my life I knew and experienced two dysfunctional relationships with anger:
Option 01: Silent, passive-aggressive, internalized, and suppressed anger. This looks like never letting anyone know you’re upset or bothered. And it generally means your needs or wants will never be met. Other people's comfort will always be prioritized over your own. When you live this way you are essentially afraid of yourself and others. You are afraid of all emotional experiences. You are frozen. Resentful.
Or the other type I know well:
Option 02: Externalized, glass breaking, lashing out, screaming, big-energy-anger. The kind where you have so many under-the-surface emotions that you don't know how to manage so you explode. Leaking your hurt all over the place. Doing harm. Shutting people down and putting up thick walls of protection. In this anger, you are also afraid of yourself, of what’s happening inside of you. Except, here you are fighting.
I'm guessing you know these two types of anger too?
There is another path. Thank goodness.
Imagine - what our world would be like if instead of choosing to externalize, eliminate, deny, or suppress anger (which has resulted in many of us being sick and in pain) we focused on creating the capacity in our nervous systems to express and be with anger in healthy, regulated, and connective ways?
This is the world I want to live in. This is the world I am actively creating.
So, with me, you can be angry (or upset, or frustrated, or mad, or hurt) and I will promise to regulate my nervous system enough to be with you in it. I will not make it about me.
Through leading this way, together we can find:
The space between raging and repressing.
The space where you can be angry and not become your anger.
The space where anger provides you with information and not instructions on how to behave.
The space where anger isn’t bad, or wrong, or a sign of weakness.
The space where anger moves you and leads you to set a healthy boundary.
The space where anger creates energy, so that you can make meaningful changes or navigate conflict in ways you’re proud of.
Be the woman that can be “with” other women in anger. Be the woman who celebrates healthy boundaries. Befriend your anger and show others how to befriend theirs too.
Happy International Women’s Day!
Yours in anger,
Corrie Weikle