Real Life Lessons from IRONMAN World Championship
Relationships are everything to me. And I mean everything. For a hyper-independent endurance sport, Ironman has taught me more about being in relationship than almost anything else. (You are probably thinking it’s strange that I am starting an Ironman reflection with this. I’m with you. Hopefully it will all make sense in the end.)
Fundamentally, as humans we are all looking for the feeling of belonging. For connectedness. And while most of us don’t realize it, we are mostly looking to belong and feel connected to ourselves. So here’s the juicy plot: in a chaotic and disconnected world we need time, space, and experiences to cultivate our relationship with self AND to really see and experience yourself, you need to add stress to the equation.
In walks Ironman.
Ironman hasn’t been about the finish line or the accolades or my fitness. These happen to be delightful side-effects. Race day itself is a blink of time in my life. One moment.
The profound opportunity
The profound opportunity is hidden in the process and the intention I set to get to the start line. The invisible and mostly unconscious, internal systems my brain and nervous system use to create reality, and ultimately my life i.e., beliefs, habits, coping mechanisms, emotions, relationships, etc.
My intention: to get to know Corrie when she struggles and does hard things. When she wants to quit, shut-down, run or hide. Most importantly when she fails.
The goal: to learn to fail better. To keep showing up. To grow my internal tolerance of discomfort. To be imperfectly part of something greater than myself. To learn a healthy perspective. To wholeheartedly be “proof of the possible” leading others toward overcoming whatever battles and impossible stories exist inside of them too.
The opportunity: to leverage Ironman as a container to learn about the relationship I have with myself when navigating hard things. Creating deeper feelings of belonging and agency in all areas of life.
Learning to sit with discomfort & stress
I know I cannot outperform my self-esteem, my beliefs, my self-worth, and my behaviors. Chills travel through my body as I type these words. I feel the power and agency I have over my entire existence. Damn, it’s vulnerable to know how much possibility I carry inside of me. I know how much time, energy, and intention I have spent getting to know my fears. Getting to know the parts of myself I don’t like.
The thoughts that keep me stuck. The emotions that drive me to self-sabotage, the things I hope to create with my fleeting slice of time on this planet. The times I hide and don’t feel lovable.
To cross the finish line at Ironman means learning to navigate discomfort and stress successfully. To be with and manage myself at my darkest. To allow others to see me, my struggles, and to be seen in these experiences.
It’s the exact opposite of hiding.
Not surprisingly, we can navigate failures, hurdles, and stumbles most gracefully in life, when we learn this skill: to navigate discomfort and stress and allow others to witness us in this process.
There is no greater feeling as a human than belonging as your truest, rawest, self.
Owning my own self-sabotaging patterns
Let’s get really tactical and specific on what I mean.
Here are my finest self-sabotaging beliefs and behavioral patterns:
Avoid discomfort of all sorts (staying safe and comfortable feels best on the short term)
If I don’t get it the first time, I should quit
Avoid experiences where I will be seen as imperfect
Never be seen as a beginner
Shutdown and internalize when I am struggling
Never ask for help
Feedback means I am not good enough or doing something wrong
Never talk about how I’m feeling or complain
Be afraid of the emotional experiences in my body (therefore be afraid of myself)
Don’t pause long enough to celebrate – just keep achieving
Guess where I learned these behaviors from?
From my primary caregivers.
And where do you think they learned them from?
Their primary caregivers.
And they travel through generations until someone has the courage to feel them. Safe from discomfort. These behaviors are excellent coping mechanisms and keep us in our comfort zone, they keep us safe. And they travel through generations until someone has the courage to feel them. Safe from discomfort.
Notice all of these behaviors require expectations of others to exist. Meaning I wouldn’t behave this way if I lived in a vacuum and not in relationship to others.
All of this begs the question… why, Corrie, do you choose something so incredibly physically and emotionally demanding to learn this?
I answer with the latest neuroscience: our body must learn it is safe to do hard things. Not just our mind.
The trickiest part of adult behavior.
Race day: the swim, the bike & the run
What I was thinking about during the race…
The swim: my race plan was to look for sea turtles and the fish with Donald Miralle capturing epic photos. The island had a different plan for me and I was tossed in a blender for an hour. I focused on what I could control: My breath. My arms and hands pulling water. Citing the radio tower. Pushing salt water out of my mouth.
The bike: I just danced the first 5 miles. I buckled up and endured the pain until my muscles warmed up and my brain registered the 112 miles ahead. I visualized the places my body will take me: Hawi, through lava fields, up the Queen K.
The run: Thoughts weren’t available during the run. I had one mission and I wouldn’t allow my brain to focus on anything except moving in the direction of the finish line. I had a mental routine. Questions I’d ask myself to keep the focus: What nutrition do I need to put in my body? How am I managing this extreme heat? Who can I look for to support? Where do I need to ask for support? How can I deprioritize the pain in the moment, knowing this discomfort is not a threat, to cross the finish line?
You see, you need to know how to swim, bike and run. Yes, you need these skills. No doubt.
But the most important skill to have when doing seemingly impossible things is an unbreakable spirit: the ability to HOLD ON and accept, adapt, and overcome every little thing thrown at you.
So yes, I am damn proud of
my sweat and spirit that carried me to the finish line!